You or Nothing

Every time I have a thought of losing you, the first thing that comes to my mind is to kill myself.
You or nothing.
Without you, nothing.
You are everything.
But sometimes, very few times, I look at my dreadful, terrible condition and say to myself  "I'm miserable", I couldn't solve my life's misery but I can make other's life better.
The thought expands drastically. From removing poverty, illiteracy, to helping poor and older people, 
to eradicate every bad thing from the world, 
to help every other child learn, grow, develop, nurtured carefully,
to help all the girls out there who are struggling to fight back, 
to help a random rickshaw puller at the square and to earn for him and give him a few days rest, 
to help those farmers on the field, 
to help the labors out on work someday, to fetch them food and water, 
to help a cripple walk again, 
to help a family bind in love who were having trouble being close,
to help a student take the correct decision, 
to help those who are depressed and heart broken and cheer them up, 
to help a mother with her newborn baby, 
to be someone to everyone, 
to be some one's everyone, 
to create that perfect world, which I wanted for you, for everyone. 
If only I could create and spread happiness all around.
But minutes of these thoughts and I go all pale and black, without senses, without energy, without oxygen, without you, nothing. 
I feel like I need help myself. Maybe not help, just you.
I'm so fucked up.

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